A 4:30am alarm, a teen who just discovered sleeping in, and why holding back might be the best thing you can offer her.
We all know that one friend who does back-to-school (and holiday) shopping in July. By the first day of school, every meal is prepped, the supplies are color-coded and labeled, and the calendar is filled in for the entire year. Spoiler alert: if you were looking for her, she is not writing this. I am not that woman. Never have been, never will be.
What my mornings at the beginning of the school year usually look like is a far-too-early alarm, 4:30am, and teenagers with a newfound love of sleeping in since last week. As in, the week before school started. Me, on the other hand? I am waking up at 3am trying to solve the latest true crime case, or wondering why that kid in third grade got mad at me.
And then it's 3pm
If this looks like your morning, the afternoon is not a walk in the park either. Everyone is tired, overwhelmed and on a very short fuse. You offer a snack; she snaps and retreats to her room. She may be sleeping after school and not wanting to get up in the morning.
You ask her what's wrong, and she says "fine." You want all the details! Who said what at school? What did she say? Why is she so tired? It makes your anxiety worse, because now you are worrying that something is very wrong. But is it?
Sometimes the hardest thing we can do is show restraint.
“Connection does not always need to be conversation. Sometimes it is just showing up and giving each other a place to come back to.”
So what can you do?
Acknowledge. She is figuring out friend groups, new environments, even new sleep schedules. You, on the other hand, have hormones shifting like an Indy race car, which means more interrupted sleep.
Boundaries. Let her set her own boundaries around what she wants to talk about, for now. Respect them, with a watchful eye.
Care Plan. Plan meals so breakfasts are made ahead, snacks are ready to grab right after school, and dinners can be eaten in the car on the way to activities. Maybe hold off on sleepovers and late weekend nights until she finds a routine. And create your own bedtime routine: dim lights, and if you do wake up, stay off your phone.
When to call the doctor
Sleeping in at the beginning of the school year is usually pretty normal. Call her doctor if it continues beyond a couple of weeks, comes with any other symptoms, or she no longer wants to hang out with friends or go to her activities.
If you have any concern about depression or suicidal thoughts, call her doctor right away. Never be afraid to ask your daughter directly whether she is having thoughts of harming herself or suicidal thoughts. I know it is hard, but these are questions you never want to wish you had asked.
FROM MY KITCHEN
Protein muffins
Full disclosure: cooking is my therapy, but I never measure anything. So if this doesn't taste the way you think it should, much like my tips, make it your own. These are great for early mornings because they have the protein and fiber you both need.
WHAT YOU NEED
2 overripe bananas (the browner the better)
½ can pumpkin purée
2 eggs
Honey, a couple of spoonfuls
Vanilla extract, about a teaspoon
1 cup flour (all-purpose, oat, almond, whatever you have in the house)
½ cup protein powder, vanilla if you have it, but chocolate is yummy too
¼ cup ground chia and flax blend
2 tsp baking powder
1 tsp baking soda
Cinnamon, nutmeg and a little salt
Chocolate chips
WHAT YOU DO
Preheat the oven to 350°F and spray a muffin tin. (I spray it even with cupcake liners.)
Mix all the wet ingredients, then add the dry and fold them in. Don't beat it like cake batter; be gentle. If the batter is too dry, add a splash of milk.
Fold in the chocolate chips and scoop into the muffin tin, about ¾ full.
Bake for about 20 minutes.
BEFORE YOU PULL OUT OF THE LOT
What you can do today
If you or your teen didn't sleep well last night, try this today (or, if you are reading this at bedtime, tomorrow morning): walk outside for five minutes, first thing, even if it's dark.
Take the dog out early. A short morning walk counts.
Take your coffee outside. Brew it, then drink the first few sips on the step.
Walk to the mailbox. Breathe some fresh air before the day starts.
Over time, it can help you reset a little, and you may sleep a little more restfully at night.
Let me know when you've tried it! My inbox is always open.
