What is really stealing sleep in your house, what to skip from your feed, and when it is time to call the doctor.
It is a few weeks into school, and every morning it is the same routine. You wake up earlier than you ever thought you needed to, then go into your teen's room two, three, four times to wake them up. Their alarm is blaring because they have either slept through it or ignored it.
The bus is coming in 30 minutes, and you know there is at least a 25-minute skin and hair routine that needs to happen (their choice, not yours). They are anxious and cranky, you are anxious and frustrated, and the coffee you made when this process started is getting cold. You stomp down the stairs trying to figure out why this happens every morning, and wondering if it is time to call the doctor.
My answer will always be: if you think you should call the doctor, do. Even if it is not something that needs an appointment, your doctor should know about your concerns.
Both the American Academy of Pediatrics and the American Academy of Sleep Medicine recommend that teens get 8 to 10 hours of sleep every night. Now think of a typical teenage girl during the school year. If they are into skin and hair routines, they may be up one to two hours before they need to leave. Others roll out of bed and just make the bus. Either way, they spend the day at school, come home, do homework and head off to sports. Some don't even come home first; they go straight to activities.
Once they are in high school, those activities run later and later. They get home at 9pm, sometimes later, hungry, sweaty and probably still with homework to finish. They get to bed around 11 and are up at 5, and that is before you count the extra time on their phones "to wind down." So what happens? A day off, a weekend or a vacation comes, and they (and you) are walking zombies.
You, after all, are probably waking up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, or just because your cortisol is spiking and your body has decided 3am is a good time to be awake and worry about everything that has happened in the past five years.
Where are the phones sleeping?
A 2026 study showed that teens who used their phones for 20 minutes before bed went on to use them late at night for another 8 to 9 minutes. That may not seem like a lot, but having the brain stimulated that late makes it harder to settle and harder to wake up. Another study showed that teens who got a phone before age 13 were more likely to have insufficient sleep at 14.
Now let's look at you. You are waking up during the night, sometimes falling back to sleep, sometimes not. If your teens are old enough to drive and aren't home before you go to bed, you are tracking them. I get it. If not checking where your child is will make you more anxious and keep you up, then check. Better yet, have them text you when they arrive at their destination or get home.
When everyone is under the same roof, try to stay off your phone for at least an hour before sleep. I started keeping my phone across the room, and I remind my kids to do the same. It helps with the middle-of-the-night scrolls.
What's trending now
There is something called sleepmaxxing all over social media right now. Content creators are promising "the best possible sleep" with:
Cold, dark rooms
Magnesium
Mouth taping
Eating kiwi before bed
I'll start with my biggest red flag: please do not tape your mouth because you watched something on the internet. It has no scientific basis, and if there is an underlying sleep issue that hasn't been diagnosed, it could be very harmful.
I am not giving any supplement recommendations here, for you or your teen. What works for me may not work for you, so always talk with your doctor first. As for everything else on the list, and the sleep trackers: if it helps you feel calmer and sleep better, great. If it becomes one more thing to worry you're doing wrong, let's make it easier.
What I do believe in
Sleep hygiene. Here is what that looks like in my house.
Keep the room cool, dark and quiet. Peaceful and relaxing. I've noticed my girls sleep better when it's cool and dark, too. Sometimes white noise helps.
Phones sleep across the room. With the blue light turned down.
No screens for an hour. TV, laptop and phone included.
Brain dump before bed. Get the day out of your head and onto paper. The nights I do this, I sleep much better.
Watch the caffeine and alcohol. I keep caffeine to the morning, and I rarely drink anymore. When I do, it's several hours before bed.
"Bedtime is not the time to fix all the problems of the day. Just get them out of your head and onto paper."
THE NURSE'S LINE
When to call the doctor
If you or your teen has had any of these, it is time to call and have a discussion:
Significant mood or behavior changes
Daytime sleepiness
Associated symptoms, like dizziness
Missing activities because of excessive fatigue
Snoring, gasping or pauses in breathing during sleep
Have this ready when you call: what time you (or she) go to bed versus fall asleep, and whether you lie awake for hours; wake-up time; any supplements; and any electronics, caffeine or alcohol use. Having these answers ready streamlines the visit.
As always, I would love to hear from you. My inbox is open for your questions.
